You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
