i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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