grandma shit on top of the toilet
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
