Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
