1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize