I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
