I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
