we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
