Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
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