Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
