she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
