So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
