I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
