What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I could make wine with my vomit
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
