my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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