so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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