hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
