dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Randomize