i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
