don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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