that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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