so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
