yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
