True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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