No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Yo dont text me then not text me
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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