Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Buhtt sex?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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