New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
