I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
