my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
