Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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