I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It was confusing and full of hummus
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
