Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
