I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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