I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
