I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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