i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
