I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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