Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
