Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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