I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
