i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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