He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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