Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
