We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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