Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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