I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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