His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
