I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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