Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
