I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
