i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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