I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize