I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
