i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize