dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
