I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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