Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
