John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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