you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
