whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize