I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
