I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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