I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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