the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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