Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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