Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
