I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
