My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
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