i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
