they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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