Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Acid is not a monday night drug
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Vodka?
Forever.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
