I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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