Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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