Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
