i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
