I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
