I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We need to get me chipped asap
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
