rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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