Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize