At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
