Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize