Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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