Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
