overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
