I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
