u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
