whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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