My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
