I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize