Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
