"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
