Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She bit a glass in half.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
